Find the most compatible person or be one?

Unsplash/Providence Doucet

Media and dating apps bombard you: find the most compatible person for you. On the surface it makes sense. The more compatibility boxes you tick, the more you have in common, and things should work out.

However, wisdom is needed. The down side to seeking total compatibility is that in the end, no one is! It easily creates disappointment, especially when you get to know the person beyond their pretty bio. Also, such exaggerated expectation tends to be rooted in selfishness. In contrast, love is sacrificial to accommodate differences, while seeking to be compatible. Married couples of vintage will tell you love is the way.

How set on making yourself compatible are you?

We can't always determine exactly how compatible we will be in marriage. Each individual can face unique circumstances. Esther in the Bible was stretched in her marriage. She married a pagan king who even plotted to exterminate her entire race. That's not an easy marriage!

Esther eventually realised why she was married to king Xerxes of Persia. God wanted to use her for his redemptive purpose. Her uncle said that "if you remain silent deliverance will come from else here and you and your household will perish. And who knows that you have come to the royal position for such a time as this?" So, she stuck at making herself compatible and her married life turned around.

From seeking compatibility to turn-around-ability

1. Don't be shocked and alarmed!

Esther married a man who spent six months having a banquet to display his empire and greatness; he had ego. Then, after divorcing his wife, who didn't agree with his request, he married Esther. Shortly after, he was inspired to exterminate God's people, without knowing Esther was one of them. Friends, Esther must have been shocked. Sometimes, we get shocked to find out who we have married! We see a side we never knew existed. We must learn to trust God like Esther.

2. Develop resilience

So, Esther discovered her husband had been inspired by his top general to exterminate her own people. Did she run? Would she remain quiet about things or speak out, perhaps facing death?

Married life may not turn out as you planned. You may be frustrated because it lacks compatibility. All kinds of things can contribute to those circumstances. But, we may never realise God's purpose. Is it possible that God is setting you up for breakthrough, not a breakdown?

3. Find a mentor

Esther spoke to her uncle Mordecai as her mentor. Ironically, he was the trigger for the planned genocide, due to keeping faith, bringing offense to the king's general. Esther was encouraged by him to remain faithful. God can provide you a mentor or you can draw closer to those nearby.

4. Resolve

Resolve to be who you are and understand your purpose.

Esther resolved to be true to who she was and enter her destiny. She would go to the king and tell him. She knew she was called "for such a time as this." Seek compatibility, but without compromise-ability.

5. Put it all on the line.

Esther had to see the king and tell all. In those times you had to get an invite to see him. If you came uninvited and he did not raise his golden sceptre of approval you would die; so, in Jesus we enter the Father's presence. Esther fasted and prayed, and the king accepted her graciously. She saw her miracle.

If you stay true to your values and God's call, you will face a cross road in a marriage needing restoration. Do you separate from your spouse if they consistently drink, take drugs or are addicted to certain ways or habits? Or do you choose to be resilient, and eventually love them into God's kingdom and ways? Is it possible that God has a bigger purpose in it all?

6. Understand the right timing and see the blessings

Esther persevered, sought God and had a plan. She came with a request to meet the king over a series of dinners. She waited for God's timing. At just the right time, God intervened and it made the king look favourably on God's people and brought salvation. God has a time to make your marriage beautiful in his time, like a Van Gogh painting!

Seek compatibility to turn things around today.

Friends, finding a spouse and staying married is not just about finding a compatible person, but becoming compatible. Sometimes we will be tested to be compatible beyond all natural reason. We see a great example in Esther. She did her best to be compatible and it led to helping her people, family and her entire kingdom. 1 Corinthians says, "The believing spouse sanctifies the unbelieving one."

Courtesy of Press Service International