A year after the murder of her husband, Charlie Kirk, Erika Kirk has described how she learned to face grief one moment at a time, drawing particular comfort from advice given by Second Lady Usha Vance in the first days after his death.
In a New York Times essay published ahead of the first anniversary of Charlie Kirk’s death, Erika recalled returning to her home in Phoenix on 11 September 2025, the day after he was fatally shot at an event at Utah Valley University in Utah. Her children ran to greet her, but entering the family home brought an overwhelming sense of grief as she saw the places where her husband had recently been with their children.
Earlier that day, Erika had told Usha Vance that she did not know how she would cope with what had happened. Vance responded with an illustration from family life, comparing the experience to travelling on an aeroplane with children during the final minutes before landing. Even when the children are distressed and everything feels chaotic, she explained, the situation can change once the plane reaches the ground.
Her message to the grieving widow was simple: take the next 15 minutes at a time. Erika said those words remained with her throughout the year that followed.
The months that followed brought birthdays, holidays and anniversaries that Charlie would no longer share with his family. Erika also wrote that she avoided their bedroom for months because of the memories connected to it, eventually deciding that she would face the pain gradually rather than all at once.
She said grief does not stop the passing of time, even when someone desperately wishes it would. Over time, however, she came to believe that Charlie would not have wanted her simply to remain trapped in the past. Instead, she said, he would want her to continue living.
Erika described the experience of grieving while raising their two children, including moments when happiness and sorrow existed alongside one another. She said memories of Charlie could sometimes make him feel close even as she continued to miss him deeply.
Her Christian faith has remained central to that process. Erika said she has not become angry with God and described herself as grateful to have been Charlie’s wife. She also reflected on his desire for people who felt lost to discover the hope he had found through faith.
For Erika, trusting God does not mean having an explanation for every painful event. She acknowledged that some questions may remain unanswered and that aspects of God's plan can be difficult to understand.
Yet she said faith has taught her that people do not need to understand everything in order to trust God. She also described seeing what she regarded as positive changes in people's lives following her husband's death, including people returning to faith, repairing family relationships and forgiving past hurts.
“I know my husband is in heaven, but I ache for him to be here,” she wrote, while affirming her continued belief that God is good.
Charlie Kirk was fatally shot on 10 September 2025 while speaking at Utah Valley University. The man accused of killing him, Tyler Robinson, is facing a criminal case that is moving towards trial after a Utah judge found probable cause for the prosecution to proceed.
In the year since the shooting, Erika has also spoken publicly about forgiveness. At a memorial service for her husband in Arizona in September 2025, she said she forgave the man accused of killing him because of the example of Jesus Christ forgiving those responsible for his crucifixion.
She said the Christian response to hatred should not be more hatred, but love, including love for enemies and those who persecute others.
Now, as she reflects on her first year as a widow, Erika hopes her experience can encourage others facing loss. The grief, she acknowledged, does not disappear, but she has learned that life continues alongside it.
The advice she received from Usha Vance has therefore become more than a way of surviving the first days after Charlie's death. For Erika, it has become a way of approaching the difficult days that followed: not trying to carry the weight of an entire lifetime at once, but taking the next 15 minutes as they come.
Based on reporting by The Christian Post.
